


Hey, Snape

by Kylo_ist_immer_mein



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 07:59:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8278583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kylo_ist_immer_mein/pseuds/Kylo_ist_immer_mein
Summary: What if Dumbledore wants a house in our world and sends Snape to check it out without warning him?





	

“Hey, Snape. Hey, Snape. Hey, Snape. Yo, Snape. Snape. Snape. Snape. Snape. Buddy. Yo, Potions Master. Snape. Snape. Snape. Best Friend. Snape. Darling Snape.”  
“No, no, no, no. I am nobody’s darling, Professor Dumbledore.” Snape slouched farther in his chair.   
“I have a present for you.” Dumbledore clapped his hands giddily  
“I don’t accept presents.” Snape growled.  
Dumbledore pulled a weird ball of goo out of his pocket and threw it at the wall where it hit and turned into a portal showing a desert neighborhood.  
“What the bloody-” Snape never got to finish that foul sentence because Dumbledore magicked Snape through the portal and closed it.  
“I guess Dumbledore forgot I was a wizard and could apparate.” Snape turned on his heel and waited for the pulling sensation, but it never came.  
Snape tried to apparate a few more times and it didn’t work. “Where the hell did Dumbledore send me?” Snape pulled out his wand and chanted a spell to summon a thestral.  
Snape did this several more time before it hit him, “There is no magic wherever I am.” he whispered.  
Bewildered Snape started to walk down the sidewalks of the desert neighborhood. In the distance he saw two people biking towards him. He stopped and waited for them to approach.  
“Excuse me misses, could you direct me to the nearest train station?” Snape asked trying to put as much ice in his voice as he could.  
The girl with auburn hair cringed at the icy voice but also looked mesmerized. The other girl with short brown hair just looked at him like he was stupid.  
“Train station? In Arizona? In America? We have subways but that’s only in like the east coast.” The girl was studying him before she spoke again, “You look exactly as Alan Rickman’s character Severus Snape. Do you cosplay?”  
Snape was affronted, “How do you know my name?”  
The Auburn haired girl spoke up, “Severus Snape is our favorite Harry Potter character. Sure he’s an ass and did some crappy stuff with Voldy, and a bit of a creepy stalker with Lily, but hey what’s not to love about him? Was there a convention? Comic Con isn’t for another three months.  
Snape pulled out his wand and held it to the Auburn girls throat, “Why do you say the Dark Lord’s name in such an awful nickname and how do you know about Lily?” he growled.  
“Hey, Mister I don’t know who you think you are but you can’t just talk to a girl that way!” The brown haired girl yelled, “I’m going to call the cops!”  
She pulled out a phone and started to press its buttons. Snape quickly snatched it and looked at it. He pressed a button and a new screen popped up.  
“Ask google.” the phone chimed  
“Professor Dumbledore.” Snape spoke into the phone   
The google webpage started speaking to him giving off Dumbledore’s biography.  
“How can I contact Professor Dumbledore?” Snape yelled tossing the phone into the bushes.  
“Hey!” the brown haired girl yelled running after it.  
“You really think you’re Severus Snape, don’t you?’ The auburn girl looked at him quizzically, “Me and my friend are going for burgers, why don’t you come with and we will find whoever you belong to, or maybe drop you off at the police station. I’m Sadie by the way. The girl whose phone you threw is Anna. Hey Anna!” Sadie yelled at the bushes, “Fake Snape is coming with us for burgers, then we’re taking him to the cops.”  
Anna’s head popped up through the bushes, “Are you crazy? He could be a stoned delusional man looking to rape and kill somebody.”  
“It’s fine bro, it’s Severus Snape. If Dumbledore trusts him and Voldy is too blind to see his betrayal, why can’t we trust him.” Sadie reasoned.  
“Dammit Sadie, I know my button says always trust Snape, but that doesn’t mean we should.” Anna reasoned back.  
“How do you know all these things about me? How do you know I’m a double agent? No one but Dumbledore and the Order know. Give me answers.” Snape growled loudly causing Sadie to coward.  
“The books. We read the books.” Anna said annoyed.  
Just then a green portal opened next to Snape and Professor Dumbledore stepped out. “Ah, just as planned Severus. How did you like my gift? I thought you and I could buy a vacation house in the muggle parallel universe.”  
“Do you see the portal and Dumbledore’s office and the man himself?” Anna whispered to Sadie dumbstruck.  
“So that really is Professor Snape? Wizards do exist? They’re going to be our neighbors?” Sadie rambled.  
“Now girls, you can’t go spilling our secrets, but you sure as can come over for tea over the school breaks.” Dumbledore winked and pulled himself and Snape back into the portal sealing it.  
“Sadie? Did you spike my water?” Anna turned looking at her.  
“No, but I wouldn’t be surprised if we fell off our bikes and hit our heads.”  
The two girls sat on the street corner looking at the patch of street illuminated by the street lamp.


End file.
